Takers And Taking - Prevent Yourself From Getting Involved In A Harmful Codependent Romantic Relationship

Takers and caretakers - they often seem to find one another! As a counselor who's worked with relationships for 37 years, I can tell you that this really is the most frequent romantic relationship dynamic that I encounter.

Takers are people who have a tendency to be narcissistic - that is, they're self-centered with an excessive desire for attention and admiration.

The taker attempts to control getting love, attention, approval or sex from other individuals with anger, blame, violence, judgments, irritation, righteousness, neediness, invasive contact, invasive energy, incessant talking and/or emotionally charged drama. The taker uses many forms of each overt and covert control to acquire the attention he or she desires.

Takers not only want a lot of control, but are frequently afraid of being controlled and turn out to be overtly or covertly resistant to doing what somebody else wants them to do.

The taker may resist with denial, defending, putting things off, rebellion, irresponsibility, indifference, withdrawal, deadness, numbness, rigidity, and/or incompetence.

Caretakers sacrifice their very own desires and wants to care for the needs and wants of others, even when other people are capable of doing it themselves. Caretakers give to other individuals from fear as opposed to love - they give to receive.

Neither takers nor caretakers assume responsibility for their own feelings and well being.

Takers frequently attempt to have control over other individuals giving them the attention and affection they want in overt ways, while caretakers attempt to have control over obtaining approval in more covert ways, like compliance, doing way too much for other individuals, and/or withholding their desires and opinions.

Because neither takers nor caretakers are taking care of themselves, they'll each wind up feeling angry, resentful, confined, unappreciated, unseen, unloved, misunderstood, and/or unacknowledged.

I tell my clients that whenever they really feel this way in a relationship, it is actually mainly because they're expecting the other person to give them what they're not giving to themselves.

When we're not seeing, valuing, acknowledging, or even understanding ourselves, and when we are not attending to our own desires and needs, we'll often really feel upset when others treat us just like we're treating ourselves.

Codependent romantic relationships - relationships of two takers, two caretakers, or a taker as well as a caretaker - will always run into problems. Lots of people leave these relationships, only to discover exactly the same difficulties in their next relationships.

Takers and caretakers can swap places in different relationships and over various issues, however the issues remain exactly the same - anger, resentment, distance, lack of sexuality, boredom, feeling unloved and unloving.

There really is a strategy to heal this.

Romantic relationships heal when men and women heal. When every partner does their inner work - for example practicing the Inner Bonding process that we teach (Take a look at the Inner Bonding site for a free course) - their romantic relationship system heals.

This is the mystery method to handling your love life. Stop ruining your relationships by utilizing the annihilation method. Inner peace, self-confidence and sources like double your dating by david deangelo are good ways to do your inner work and take responsibility for your love life.

Learning how to take100% responsibility for your own personal feelings is among the essential ingredients in developing a healthy relationship.

Your feelings come from how you treat yourself and other people, from what you tell yourself and what you think about yourself and other individuals, as opposed to from other people behavior.

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